I'm 60 Now; What's Next in My Life? | lorraine1223's Blog

Last December 9th, I turned 60.  It's a little scary.  I certainly don't feel 60; and don't quite look it yet.  I don't know how to be 60.  I don't know what I'm supposed to look like.

All my life I've had my own style and really didn't care what people thought.  Why now?

When I was young, 60-year old ladies had blue tight curly perms.  I don't want that.  They always wore dresses and sensible shoes.  What a time to start asking myself, "Who am I?"

When I was 28, I re-evaluated my life.  It wasn't working as it was.  So I made the outer me look completely different.  I must have done something right because male attention perked right up.  Did I mention that at 28 I had just left a terrible relationship and didn't really care if there was a man in my life?  Suddenly there were too many.

Men were telling me they thought I was unapproachable.  I would look at them like they were crazy.  My self-esteem was so low I couldn't imagine anyone being interested in me.  No, I didn't rush into another relationship.  I took the "rules" that I followed and exchanged them for "the rules" men play by.  And I beat them at their game everytime.

A funny thing happened.  The bitchier I was to them, the more they stuck around.  And I was bitchy.  I was so full of anger from the last long-term relationship.  I think I got into a  "hurt them before they could hurt me" mode.  I was faithful to no one; not even the ones I liked.

I became so brazen.  I would walk up to a really hot guy and say, "Tell your friends you're leaving."  And they would!   They would leave with me.  I was always amazed.  Me, picking and choosing before I was "picked and chosen".

I also made a major career change at 28.  I went into engineering.  And I was good, very good.  Maybe being reconized for my work helped the self-esteem issue a little.  I was even bitchy with the men at work.  They loved me.  I could do nothing wrong.

Suddenly my name was "known" in the industry.  I had made my mark.  I made more money than I knew what to do with.  With the money came a whole new social level.  I was invited to the big parties; A list.  My friends were now professional people--not just engineers--politicians, athletes, actors, musicians.  Many well-known people of the time and some are still well-known today.  Two of my (I don't even know what to call them) men are now in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  Many of the athletes are in their sport's hall of fames.  One of the local policiticians is a Senator currently.

Now it's time to re-evaluate my life, or what's left of it, again.  I'm at a total loss.

I'm not writing this to brag, I'm writing about my life; how it was and what I want it to be now.  I'm completely stumped.

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Posted on 03:30AM on Apr 19th, 2010
There is a saying that "you can never get through life when you're always thinking that somebody you love someday won't let you down". To have loved so much is a good thing but to expect of being loved in return is another thing because love gives and it does not take. It is not love if you think of the other person as something that fills that which you feel is lacking in you. Anyway, it is just my own interpretation of what ought to be. But life goes on whatever wrong we do in the present. Life begins when we care more and expect less. That is the time that you will experience a deeper joy and maybe find the true meaning of your life.
Posted on 06:44AM on Apr 21st, 2010
i learned at a very young age that the when you expect nothing from people, you are rarely disappointed. the love that evaded me was my mother's. i spent over 50 years of my life trying to make her like me. nothing worked. so if i feel sorry for anyone, it's that little girl who spent her life trying to make her mother love her.
anything i learned in life was through the grace of other mothers. now i'm a free of the burden of seeking my mother's approval and love and i am at a loss as to what to do with my life. for the very first time i am free of her criticisms, etc.
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Previous Posts
My Earliest Childhood Memory, posted April 20th, 2010
I'm 60 Now; What's Next in My Life?, posted April 19th, 2010, 2 comments
All I Ever Wanted Was a Normal Life, posted July 9th, 2009

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